Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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