I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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