Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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