The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
