Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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