garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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