We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
