true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
