I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
