that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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