I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
