We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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