the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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