you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
