remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
