I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize