There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
