Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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