I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
