This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
