i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
