before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
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don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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