i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
