i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
