Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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