your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
