Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
