I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
