I hope mine doesn't look like that
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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