By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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