Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
MIDGETS
????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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