I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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