she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
