I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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