my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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