Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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