so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
