I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
