I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
