update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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