i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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