Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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