Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
