so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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