No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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