I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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