just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
