it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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