You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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