Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
