and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
