I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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