i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
