can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Randomize
