Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
