I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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