oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my sisters under your porch take her home
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
