If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
