bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
