A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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