That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
