I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
