What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
