Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
