I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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