It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
