that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
