Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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