I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My nipple is on Facebook.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
