Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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