I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
