the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize