so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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