Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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