you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
