That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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