If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there's paper in my vomit.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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