He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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